[Some hours later, the same (now slightly less harried, he has been well tipped) messenger arrives with a reply.]

Mʏ Lᴀᴅʏ ᴄᴀʟʟᴇᴅ Pᴇʟ -

Iɴ ᴀɴsᴡᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ sᴛᴀᴛᴇᴍᴇɴᴛ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀᴀᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ᴇxᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ ɪs ᴀs ғᴏʟʟᴏᴡs:

Yᴏᴜ: Yᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀɴ Ass
Mᴇ: YOUR ᴀss

Iᴛ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ʀᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ʟᴇss ɪɴ ᴡʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ɪɴ ᴅɪᴀʟᴏɢᴜᴇ. Yᴏᴜ ᴍᴜsᴛ ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʟᴀᴄʀɪᴛʏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴡʜɪᴄʜ I ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʀᴇsᴘᴏɴᴅᴇᴅ. Aɴᴅ ᴏғ ᴄᴏᴜʀsᴇ I ᴀᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʀᴜʟʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘʀᴏᴘᴇʀʟʏ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ's, ғᴏʀ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴄᴀɴ ɴᴏᴛ ʙᴇ ᴄʜᴀᴛᴛᴇʟ. (I ɢʀᴀᴄɪᴏᴜsʟʏ ᴇxᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛʜɪs sᴛᴀᴛᴇᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴀʟʟ ʀᴀᴄᴇs.) I ᴍᴇᴀɴ ɪɴsᴛᴇᴀᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴜsᴛ sᴜғғᴇʀ ᴍᴇ ɴᴏᴡ ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʀᴜʟʏ ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴ ᴍʏ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴏғ ᴅᴇᴇᴘ ғᴏʀɢɪᴠᴇɴᴇss ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴀɴʏ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴀs ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ.

A ᴍɪsᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴏғ sᴘᴇʟʟɪɴɢ ɴᴇᴀʀʟʏ ʀᴇɴᴅᴇʀᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ COMAS ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ. Wʜᴀᴛ ᴛᴇʀʀᴏʀ! ʙᴜᴛ ᴀ ᴛᴇʀʀᴏʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴏᴛ sᴜʀᴘʀɪsᴇ ᴍᴇ. I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴛᴏʟᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ᴄᴀɴ ʀᴇɴᴅᴇʀ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀsᴀᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ᴘᴀʀᴛɴᴇʀs ǫᴜɪᴛᴇ sᴇɴsᴇʟᴇss. Iᴛ ɪs ᴍʏ ᴡɪᴛ. Aɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄᴜʀsᴇ.

I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʙᴇɢᴜɴ ᴘʀᴇᴘᴀʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴs ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴇʀᴇᴍᴏɴʏ ᴏғ ᴜɴᴠᴇɪʟɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ɪs ᴛᴀʟᴋ ᴀᴍᴏɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ sᴜᴘᴇʀɪᴏʀ ᴏғғɪᴄᴇʀs ᴀɴᴅ ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀɪᴛɪᴇs ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Iɴǫᴜɪsɪᴛɪᴏɴ, ᴛᴀʟᴋ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡɪʟʟ ɴᴏ ᴅᴏᴜʙᴛ ᴄᴏɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇ ɪɴ ᴀ ғᴀɴᴛᴀsᴛɪᴄ ʀᴇᴠᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴀʟʟ. Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴏғ ᴀ ᴄʀᴀғᴛsᴍᴀɴ ᴡʜᴏ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀᴘᴀʙʟᴇ ᴏғ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴇɴᴛᴇʀᴘɪᴇᴄᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜɪs ᴄᴇʀᴇᴍᴏɴʏ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʀᴛɪғᴀᴄᴛ ɪᴛsᴇʟғ? I ᴍᴜsᴛ ᴘʀᴏᴠɪᴅᴇ ᴀɴ ᴜᴘᴅᴀᴛᴇ ᴀs ᴛᴏ ɪᴛs ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛɪᴏɴ.

Aʟsᴏ: ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ғᴇᴇʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴄᴀᴋᴇs? I ʜᴀᴠᴇ sᴄʜᴇᴅᴜʟᴇᴅ ᴀ ᴛᴀsᴛɪɴɢ. I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴏᴘɪɴɪᴏɴᴀᴛᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴅɪsᴄᴇʀɴɪɴɢ ᴘᴀʟᴀᴛᴇ ᴀɴᴅ I sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏ ᴘʀᴏᴠɪᴅᴇ ᴀ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴀsᴛ ᴀs I ᴀᴍ sᴜʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴘʟᴀɪɴᴇʀ ғᴀʀᴇ. Bᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴜs ᴡᴇ sʜᴀʟʟ ғɪɴᴅ ᴀɴ ᴀᴠᴇʀᴀɢᴇ.

I ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴ, ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ᴛʜᴇɴ, ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴀᴠᴇʀᴀɢᴇ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ,
Vᴀʟ ᴛʜᴇ Fᴏʀɢɪᴠᴇɴ