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[mythalenaste]

“All witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffany’s Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! Bring them into the sheepfold! Walk the gale for them! Keep away the wolf! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because they are mine!

I have a duty!”

--Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men

for shenanigans of all types, especially post-game

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[slipshot]

"She deserves a family," he said firmly. "And I'm not <i>using her. But I am responsible for her, Pel. She went her whole life assuming I would never be in it, which was bad enough. I'm not going to - I'm not going to just - No. No, I won't." He took a deep breath.

"We'll go away. I'll figure something out. And if I-- If I really can't, then I'll find something better for her. But I owe it to her, to try."

[mythalenaste]

"You can't do this on a trial basis. That's only going to make things harder for her if it fails." Her words are more breath than voice now, and the firelight catches moisture threatening to become tears in her eyes. "Don't you know that's why I hate the Arlathvhen? I see those people who still think they're my family, and they want to make up for time lost, and I get to see how beautiful things would have been if they hadn't given me away."

[slipshot]

Gavin's heart wrenched, and he almost took a step toward her but kept himself still. "... Pel, I can't change the past for you," replied after a moment, "But it's too late, now. Whether I give her away now, or later... That's still all I would ever be. Someone who failed her."

He breathed through his nose, looking down at the ground.

"But you're right. I can't do it on a trial basis." There was a long pause. "I'll just have to go with her, whatever happens."

[mythalenaste]

"Do you mean it this time?" she says, barely able to phonate the words. "You're going to love her and stay with her, whatever happens?"

[slipshot]

His face drooped as he raised his eyes to meet Pel's, gazing at her with a sad lopsided smile.

"Even I have to grow up some time, right?" He asked quietly.

[mythalenaste]

That means he's leaving for good. She can feel her heart breaking again. Why does she always fool herself into thinking someone she loves is going to stay in her life?

"Just don't give her what was given to me. Whatever you do. What's her name?"

[slipshot]

"Lyra," He replied quietly. He knew Pel well enough that he could see it - visibly see the damage he was doing, even now. But this... this was not something he could fix, even if he stayed. At least he had a chance of being someone good, for Lyra. At least he had a chance to not let her down.

"... You'll explain to the Keeper for me?" He asked quietly.

[mythalenaste]

"Stay the night. Say goodbye to the clan in the morning."

She has to resist the urge to throw herself in his arms, to beg to go with him. There are too many years of resentment between them now, to try to have a life together. She has to let go of him. She has to heal.

[slipshot]

It's against his nature - he's never been good at goodbyes - and for a moment he tries to argue, tries to tell her that it's better if they just leave in the night --

But she's right. It's his nature, but that's what he has to try to change. He's not going to throw that away on the first night.

They deserve a proper goodbye.

So instead he nods. "Alright," he agrees in a low murmur.

[mythalenaste]

She takes a deep breath.

"I'll always love you, somehow. I'll always miss you. But I'll be fine, and so will you."

She leans in to press a lingering kiss to his cheek. And with that, she is free. She has said what needed to be said. When she pulls away, she smiles tearfully.

"You're going to be so happy."

[slipshot]

His own eyes mist a little, and he smiles at her, warm and sad and fond.

"I'll do my best to make you proud, Pel," he whispered quietly, then reached out to brush a hand on her cheek, whisking the first tear away before it fell.

[mythalenaste]

"I'm not the one you have to make proud now."

She'll have to grieve tomorrow. Grieve and then finally start moving forward. How much fuller will her life be, without the strewn-out promise of occasional breadcrumbs?

[slipshot]

He let his hand drop, before stepping back. "Well. I'll try to make everyone proud," He said, even if he didn't believe it was possible. "... Goodnight, Pel," he murmured, and disappeared back into the camp.

[mythalenaste]

She's not sure if she'll see him off in the morning, or if she has already said her goodbyes and prolonging it will only make things more painful. She's not going to know until the morning. But she has to believe he'll be okay. Tonight, she prays for him.

In the morning, she does not say goodbye to Gavin. Instead, she kneels in front of the little girl and places in her palm a pendant on a string.

"This is made from the antler of a halla, little one," she tells her gently. "I want you to have it to keep, to remind you of where you come from."

The pendant is one Pel has worn for years. It feels right to let it go now, to give her part to the effort Gavin is making. He wanted her to belong in this world. Maybe there will come a time when she can belong to the clan as an elven child, but until then, she has this little reminder of the proud blood that runs in her veins.

She barely glances at Gavin when she stands. A little smile, and she turns away, and the line of goodbyes continues without her.